So, I've managed to track down and fix the problem that I have been having with my Java application. It was quite simple actually. I was missing a single line in my code that caused my "smoke" message.
I've spent too much time trying to figure out how to get my program to print messages to me that I forgot to actually look for the cause of the problem. Its strange how you can easily get distracted by the simplest things... ooooooohhhhh shiny.
If I had simply directed my attention to an area about 6 lines up from the error message I would have noticed what was missing. Or... I would have noticed what wasn't there so I couldn't have noticed it was missing.... thats still not right.
I noticed something was missing, but couldn't quite tell what it was initially. F*ck I hate sentences that are worded weirdly. (Yet, I go out of my way to make that last one as hard to comprehend as I could. Go figure.)
I could bore you with the details of how I fixed the program, and what exactly was missing. But I think its better suited for an explanation using the smoke detector analogy.
Solution steps:
After receiving the terribly worded "I smell smoke" message when I attempted to run my program, I noticed something.
I didn't put batteries in the smoke detector in the first place.
[Its a simple way of saying that I didn't declare a variable.] {Damn those details creeping in.}
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